Compassionate Inquiry Online: What to Expect from Your First Session
You’ve read Dr. Gabor Maté’s books. Maybe you’ve watched his talks. Something resonated — deeply. And now you’re thinking about trying Compassionate Inquiry for yourself. But what does a session actually look like? Especially online?
If you’re feeling a mix of curiosity and nervousness, that’s completely normal. Most people who come to their first CI session carry both. Here’s an honest walkthrough of what the experience is like, so you can decide if it feels right for you.
First, a quick grounding: what Compassionate Inquiry actually is
Compassionate Inquiry is a therapeutic approach created by Dr. Gabor Maté over decades of working with patients in family practice, palliative care, and addiction. Unlike many therapeutic modalities that focus on managing symptoms, CI is interested in what’s underneath them.
The premise is simple but powerful: many of our adult struggles — anxiety, relationship difficulties, self-sabotage, chronic stress, even physical illness — are rooted in beliefs we formed in childhood. These beliefs were once protective. They helped us survive. But they often continue running our lives long after they’ve stopped serving us.
CI creates a safe space to gently uncover these beliefs, feel the emotions attached to them, and begin to integrate them — with compassion rather than judgement.
Before the session: the free consultation
At Sonum, every CI journey starts with a free consultation. This isn’t a session — it’s a conversation. I want to understand what’s bringing you to this work, and you get to ask anything you need to feel comfortable. We’ll also check that CI is the right modality for what you’re looking for. Sometimes it is. Sometimes I might suggest something else. There’s no pressure and no obligation.
This is also where the online format shines: you can have this conversation from your living room, your car, or wherever feels safe. All you need is a stable internet connection and a quiet space.
What actually happens in your first session
You’ll join a Zoom call. We’ll settle in — I might invite you to take a few breaths, feel your body in the chair, notice what’s present for you right now. This isn’t meditation or mindfulness practice; it’s simply arriving.
Then I’ll ask you to bring an intention. This is something you want to explore — it might be a recurring pattern (“I keep choosing partners who aren’t available”), an emotion (“I feel anger that I don’t understand”), or even a physical sensation (“I get this tightness in my chest when my mother calls”).
From there, we enter a question-and-answer flow. I’ll ask you questions — gently, carefully, with genuine curiosity. These aren’t clinical assessment questions. They’re invitations to notice: what are you feeling right now? Where do you feel it in your body? What does that remind you of? What’s the belief underneath that reaction?
You might be surprised by what surfaces. Many people say things in a CI session they’ve never said aloud before — not because I’m pushing, but because the safety of the space allows it.
What CI is not
It’s not advice-giving. I won’t tell you what to do or how to fix your life. It’s not analysis, where someone interprets your experience from the outside. And it’s not a quick fix — one session can be powerful, but lasting change typically unfolds over several sessions.
It’s also not re-traumatising. A core principle of CI is that you set the pace. If something feels too much, we slow down. If you need to stop, we stop. My role is to hold the space with enough safety that your natural healing capacity can do its work.
Does online CI work as well as in-person?
This is the question I hear most often, and the honest answer is: yes, it does. The heart of CI is the therapeutic relationship — the quality of presence, attunement, and safety between practitioner and client. That translates beautifully over video. You’re in your own space, which for many people actually feels safer than being in a therapist’s office.
I work with clients across multiple time zones — from Australia to Europe to other parts of India. The Zoom format allows us to find a time that works for both of us, and it removes the barrier of geography entirely.
After the session
You might feel lighter. You might feel tender. You might feel a strange mix of both. All of that is normal. I often suggest simple integration practices between sessions — journaling, paying attention to a specific sensation, or simply being gentle with yourself. The work doesn’t end when the call does; the insights continue to unfold.
Most people find that the first session opens a door. Whether you walk through it — and how quickly — is entirely up to you.
“If something in this article resonated, I’d love to hear from you.”